


'it's about...'

by spheeris1



Category: Orange is the New Black
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-07-29
Packaged: 2017-12-21 16:56:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/902663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spheeris1/pseuds/spheeris1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>drabble, dual POVs, post-S1 finale // It’s about stopping these mistakes from happening before they begin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	'it's about...'

~ ~

It’s about treating yourself better.

And it’s about not being walked all over, it’s about caring for a heart that is tired of being broken, it’s about not always being a shoulder to lean on in times of trouble or a pair of lips to kiss when other lips are taken.

It’s about stopping these mistakes from happening before they begin.

Well, before they begin again…

But it still hurts to do nothing, to sit there as Piper walks away – stupid wounded face put on like this is all Alex’s fault – and to not follow the woman to wherever she wants to go and to whatever fucked up end.

/

“I should have just turned her out the second I met her.”

And for moment, Alex thinks that she has said this out loud and so her eyes look around slowly – trying to see if anyone has caught her in the act of losing her mind – but either the words were caught before they were spoken or her voice is just too damn soft to be heard.

But the thought is still true – bitterly so – and Alex thinks of all the ways in which this life of hers could have turned out differently…

…and hindsight makes one hell of a bedmate.

/

It’s about taking responsibility.

And it’s about not allowing the world to shatter you with its coldness, it’s about surviving just because you want to so badly, it’s about being more than someone’s debutante daughter or a sad story for a lonely fiancé.

It’s about stopping these mistakes from happening before they begin.

Well, before they begin again…

But it still hurts to be so damn alone, to sit here surrounded by this endless silence – ‘kill me now’ less of a plea, more of a plausible suggestion – and to know that there are no more guarantees once this door reopens… no Alex, no Larry, no one but Piper now.

/

“I should have told the truth a long, long time ago.”

No one can hear her now, but Piper’s tongue gathers the words and they fall past her lips anyway – tumbling out like marbles – and she imagines this admittance floating away from SHU and out into the air, fluttering into Alex’s ears and then traveling further still… all the way to everyone that she ever lied to…

But Piper wonders if even honesty is enough to make the hours pass – her right hand sore and stitched up due to Pennsatucky’s jaw – and she thinks of all the ways in which this life of hers could have turned out differently…

…and hindsight makes one hell of confessor.

/

It’s about love, though…

…and it’s about loving yourself enough to stand up and be counted, to look the scary shit in the eye and not back down, to see your flaws for what they are and still find yourself worthy…

_“I’m an emotionally manipulative narcissist who bailed on you when your mother died.”  
“And I’m a ruthless pragmatist who sold you out and then lied about it.”_

…it’s about stopping these mistakes from happening before they begin…

/

Alex is familiar with this feeling, but she tries to keep it off of her face – Nichols is hard to fool, after all – but there is this knot where her heart should be and the ropes only loosen once Piper is back with the rest of them.

And her fingers tighten around her food tray and a single breath gets stuck in her throat and everything inside of her sort-of unfurls – muscle fibers and tangled emotions, rippling beneath her skin with instant relief…

…and then it is over.

Alex swallows a sip of cold tea and blinks and looks away as if she hadn’t been looking at all.

And Piper is familiar with this feeling and there might have been a time when she would’ve ran as fast as she could to escape all of this… but today finds her finally standing still – in front of guards and prisoners, in front of friends and enemies – and that’s how she finds Alex among this crowd of people.

And her lips move upward of their own accord, revealing a soft and slow smile, and she stares openly until that dark gaze flickers her way once more – as if neither one of them can help it and, of course, that’s always been the case…

…and then it is over.

Piper takes a deep breath and blinks and keeps looking as if she hadn’t ever looked away at all.

/

…well, before they begin again…

/

(end)


End file.
